“I can’t.”

While this sentence contains only 5 letters and two words – I struggle to think of anything with more day-to-day influence over our mindset and behavior. Read the rest of this entry »

Resistance.

The invisible force — the constant companion.

While its presence is all but guaranteed, you control its impact.

Case in point:  I haven’t published a blog post for two months.

Pick any Tom, Dick or Harry who is pontificating about how to build a viable blog and you quickly see that not posting is a cardinal offence.

I get it.

Many a day I told myself I need to sit down and pound out 700 words of inspiration, learning or perspective. Did I do it? No.

Why does Resistance smash our positive intentions? How does it prevent us from acting on our wants or even our needs?

I wish I could give you a rock solid, infallible answer that you could take to the bank and never fall victim to resistance again. Obviously, since I haven’t posted for two months, that answer (if it even exists) eludes me.

What I can offer is the following 5 suggestions. While not foolproof, they give you a chance for fighting the demons within.

Read the rest of this entry »

First working day of 2012 and you’re back at it.

How’s it feel?

Seriously, when you came in this morning – was it “Here we go, back to the ol’ grindstone” or “Here we go – this should be a great year”?

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not one of those obnoxious motivational people. You know who I’m talking about. If you cut off their arm they talk about how pretty the red blood is!

What I am is a guy who observes people.

I see many with the “spark in their eye” year after year and others where the spark fades and there is just a dull sense of resolution – an “it is what it is” look.

Why? What makes the difference? Does anyone choose to glaze over and let the spark slip out of his or her working life?

I see three key consistent contributors. The spark begins to dim when you:

• Stop Caring
• Stop Trying
• Stop Dreaming

See if any of these may be stealing your “spark”:

1. Stop Caring: These are the leaders that literally stop giving a damn. There could be many contributors: tired of feeling unappreciated/valued; too many perceived injustices at the hands of others; lack of sense of purpose; don’t respect his/her boss; unable to see how his/her effort impact the greater good. Whatever the source, they decide to take their heart out of the game.
2. Stop Trying: These are the leaders that put it on cruise control; they are doing just enough to stay out of trouble and not an ounce more. Again, there could be many contributing factors: fear of failure, risk adverse, cynicism has crept in to their attitude, or the classic – “why should I work hard when no one else is?” Regardless of the source, the effort isn’t there. They log time, not accomplishments.
3. Stop Dreaming: For me, this is the saddest reason. These are the leaders that forgot their dreams and visions. They lost sight of the  golden ring they pursued in the early days of their career. Work is now just “going through the motions.” There is not a target that beckons or a desired future state that pulls and tugs.

Look in the mirror – what do your eyes tell you?

Is the spark still there? Can you feel some excitement when you walk through the doors? Is there a future state you desire?

If not – why? Consider the reasons above. Do a gut check. Be honest and real with yourself. Ask: “Is what I am running from or avoiding really worth the loss of my sparkle?”

Assuming the answer is no – start to challenge yourself in small ways.

Get some momentum by slowing reengaging, taking some risks and dusting off (or rewriting) your dreams.

2012 looks like a big year sitting here on January 3^rd – take the effort to make it one for the record books!

24 hours.

That’s it – that’s what we get every day.

Interestingly, that’s all anyone gets. Regardless of social class, race, sex, country of origin or organizational title – we all get the same amount.

What’s telling is how each uses his/her daily gift of time. These decisions separate some people from the pack.

Think about it – we’re given the same amount of time to manage our lives as is given to leaders of nations, world famous scientists and Fortune 100 executives.

What do they do that we don’t? How do they fit all of those demands into a day?

While you may not like it, the biggest differentiator between “us” and ‘them” is in the choices we make.

Read that again. There are two key words in the sentence:  CHOICES and WE.

Too often we forget we have choices. There are so many demands on our lives it is easy to slip into “default” mode.

This is when we stop trying to manage our lives and instead, let them manage us. We are no longer the “dog” – we become the “tail.”

“Hang on,” you retort. “We don’t have choices, we must do what others expect us to do.”

To some degree that is true. We need to show up to work on time and we need to pick up the kids from karate class. I get it.

However, there are many situations where we simply don’t make choices to best utilize our time. We accept demands without push back or challenge. We procrastinate and pontificate.

The consequence?

Our lives become consumed with demands we are convinced are non-negotiable.

Days, weeks, months and years slip by without making deliberate choices to create the life we desire.

Typically, the areas of our life suffering the most include:

1. Physical:  Exercise, fitness, stress reduction and sport.
2. Intellectual: learning, growth and developmental activities.
3. Spiritual: attending church, doing devotionals, prayer and meditation.
4. Interpersonal: deepening our relationships with friends and family.
5. Intrapersonal: developing better relationship with our self; becoming the best that you can be as a person.

Ironically, these categories are what make life worth living! These dimensions are the primary source of personal well-being, purpose, worth and satisfaction.

How is it we allow our choices to steal these from us before they steal “shoveling the driveway!”

The challenge is to shake off your tired, default choices and be deliberate in how you use time.

It won’t happen in one giant action. It is an accumulation of many small steps.

Take stock of the choices you are making with regard to your time.

Get creative and find alternatives to what, at first glance, appear to be “must do’s.”

Set a goal to reclaim 25% of your time in 2012.

When you succeed – choose deliberately and wisely with regard to how you want to reallocate.

Take back your life one hour at a time!

For those of you who have learned to choose deliberately, share some of your secrets in the comments section – we should learn from each other.

Ask any organizational psychologist and he/she will quickly support how important candid feedback is to employees.

While not a new insight, I regularly see leaders who struggle to conduct effective performance reviews.

Most of the time, leading-by-example is a great developmental technique. However,  I’m introducing you to 5 performance review Scrooges – please don’t follow the lead of these characters!

1.  Wing it Willie: Read the rest of this entry »

The Holiday season is once again upon us!

I’ll admit, as I age, it seems to come faster and faster!

In fact, as sad as it may be, there are times when I’m relieved they are over! The hectic pace, the gift buying/wrapping, and all of the “extra” work that gets crammed inside of an already jammed lifestyle can just be too much.

Knowing what is coming and in the spirit of last week’s post – living deliberately, I challenge us all to do something different this year.

Review the following steps. Pick as many as you desire – I’m certainly not trying to add work! Work through them and implement the results over the next month and a half.

1. Reflect on childhood memories of the holidays. What were the activities that meant the most to you? What traditions, activities or events gave you a warm, content feeling? What did you most look forward to? Ask your significant other the same question. Write down the answers.
2. If you have kids, ask them their favorite holiday memory or activity. Don’t assume you know – they will surprise you. Write the answers down.
3. Take stock of the data. What do you see? What did you learn? Are the activities listed planned or scheduled over the next 7 weeks?
4. Take two or three of the items that you are not planning to do, and consider adding them. There is no time like 2011 to reinvigorate an old favorite into your routine. If you want to make it a family affair, give everyone two votes and pick the top three “winning” items. Make it fun.
5. Write down the traditions, events and/or activities that make up your modern day holiday practices. These are the ones that have evolved in your adult life. They are your “favorite” aspects of the next seven weeks.
6. When the items in #5 are ready to occur, stop for reflection. Remind yourself that this is a favorite moment. This is an event you want to slow down and really enjoy. This is when it is time to make the memories for the rest of your life!
7. You can repeat steps 5 and 6 with your spouse and kids as well. It is a great lesson for all generations to learn to slow down and wallow in the good times!
8. Finally, look for an opportunity to help someone else make his or her holidays memorable. Donate time as a family to a shelter. Pick names off of the “gift tree” in the mall so some kids get surprised with a present they didn’t expect to have. Do something special for others – they will appreciate far more than you could ever realize. Make memories for them!

My hope is that by accepting some (or all) of these ideas the holidays are not just a mad blur. Instead, they become a memory-making machine! A stretch of time when you remember the many blessings in your life and even help create some blessings in the lives of others!

Let me cut right to the chase – here is the ultimate leadership paradox:

To gain control you must first let go of control

Too subtle?

Too confusing?

Too abstract?

Picture this:

You are hanging outside of the 90^th floor of a skyscraper. The wind is swirling around you and the faint sound of horns and sirens drift up to meet you. The cars below look like ants.

The tension in your hands and arms is unbearable. You are hanging on, literally, for dear life. It takes all you can muster to stay plastered to the wall with a death grip on the ledge.

Suddenly someone shows up in the window. “Help!” you scream. A feeling of relief floods over you as they open the window, seemingly to help.

“You’re in a tough spot,” they casually observe. You can’t believe it – of all the people in the city, your rescuer is a smart ass that likes to state the obvious!

“Yes, can you please help?” you beg (resisting the sarcastic comments at the tip of your tongue.)

“Sure,” he says, “I’ll help.”

“Thank God,” you think.

Then he says something so crazy you aren’t even sure you heard him correctly. “Let go.”

“What!? Are you crazy?” Your patience with this guy has ended – you can’t hang on much longer.

“Yes,” he says, “If you want to live – you need to let go.”

That’s the paradox. That’s the hardest part for leaders. But if you think about it, there is some logic here. Read the rest of this entry »

Photo purchased from Pixmac

I’m going to try something new.

Each Friday I’ll invite you to answer several stimulus questions.

The intent is to challenge you. Not in a physical way, but mentally and behaviorally.

This week’s challenge is to ensure you haven’t slipped into a “default” mode of living.

Default living is a life on autopilot – a life that lives itself without much effort or steering from us. While not always “bad,” it usually falls short of what it could be.

We can arrive at a “default” or “stuck” place via many paths. For example:

• Some start to get scared. We stop “playing to win” and become more cautious and defensive.
• Some get stuck in a rut. We are like the proverbial frog that sits in the pan of water as the heat slowly increases and we barely notice.
• Some become disillusioned. Our hopes, dreams and aspirations seem to be slipping away with each tick of the clock so we, in turn, begin slowing down with each tick.
• Some are tired. Life is hard – we just want to lay low for a while and not to rock the boat!
• Some don’t know any better. We have never taken the time to ask “what if…” or “if only…..” We haven’t challenged ourselves to create a destiny we desire.
• Some don’t feel we are worthy. We don’t believe that we have what it takes to create a life we love and therefore don’t try.

Do any of these “killers of deliberate living” resonate? Maybe you suffer from a different form of “default” living.

It really doesn’t matter how you got here. What matters is that we can do something about it. We can become more deliberate in the way we live our lives on a daily basis.

We’ll start by building some awareness.

Listed below are 7 stimulus questions for you to ponder. Read the rest of this entry »

Tis the season!

No, I don’t mean the holiday season (although I heard my first Christmas Carol this weekend!).

What I’m referring to is the “strategic planning” season.

Many organizations are in the process of conducting annual planning. Some of you may be lucky enough to attend (or lead) these important meetings.

For me, a planning meeting needs to be different than a run-of-the-mill staff meeting. Ideally, the content is more strategic, the altitude is higher and the time frame is longer term.

Furthermore, there are no “right” answers. The dialogue should have some constructive contention and debate. It is important to raise and work the tough issues.

Leading these meetings can be difficult. You must balance the role of facilitator, participant and leader. Not an easy task. You need to watch and monitor the content, dynamics and progress simultaneously.

My recommendation is to solicit support from the participants. One way of doing so is to institute ground rules for everyone to follow, monitor and support.

By getting everyone aligned on the rules of the road in advance, you enhance the chance of a successful planning meeting.

Photo from Pixmac

Read the rest of this entry »